Oh, you wanted a picture of the penguin? [ If Logan'd caught the new edge to Matt's words, he wouldn't have responded so teasingly, but he shifts a bit and touches the tip of his pinky to Matt's palm. ]
...god damn it. [ He laughs, realising: ] It ain't on the teevee any more.
[ Which means he's going to try in what he presumes will be a low degree of success. ]
Remember that Emperor Penguin, the one that couldn't find a mate? [ Logan's not necessarily good at heartfelt narration, but he'd been absorbed enough in that story to have described everything to Matt at a pace of speaking quicker than his usual. ] His body was normal, [ which he draws ] but he had shorter flippers like this... [ Drawing the penguin with its flippers down, the tips of them reach only halfway along the penguin's total height. ] Figure that's why he had so much trouble swimming.
[ He continues to draw, murmuring in low, easy tones as he goes to describe the rest of it, and before Logan really notices what's happening, a low rumbling starts in the base of his chest.
Apparently he's reached the peak level of comfort, and it shows even in the sweeter twist to his scent.
[ Matt's ready to wave off the remark, but stops when Logan actually starts tracing the shape of a penguin on his skin. It doesn't matter whether the drawing is accurate or well-done, the point is that he's doing it at all. And genuinely trying to make sure Matt understands and remembers.
He should have tried harder to keep Logan from disappearing out of his life for so long. ]
The world is so judgmental. I'll bet he would have been a fantastic mate if some penguin had given him a chance.
[ The sound goes unnoticed at first, just softly building in the background, a sort of vibration in Matt's bones more than anything else. By the time his brain processes what his ears are hearing, he's already succumbed to the comforting sensation, leaning once again on Logan's arm, eyes closed.
He doesn't want to disturb anything, doesn't want to make the rumbling stop or turn that sweet scent sour. So he asks his question in a whisper. ] Are you going to stick around after I'm healed?
[ Matt settles against him so naturally Logan takes the swelling of his heart with a relaxed acceptance, like acknowledging waves washing on the beach tickling the ends of your toes. He's finished drawing, the end of his pinky just lightly touching Matt's hand, and for a moment he doesn't know what to do with it.
But the question has him turning from looking at his finger to looking at the top of Matt's head instead.
He wants to lie, but he knows there wouldn't be a point to it.
So instead, he admits, ] Maybe just long enough to be sure you won't be passing out in the middle of all your jumping. [ His pinky withdraws and his arm settles, but close enough that it's pressed gently against Matt's own. ] Daredevil and Wolverine-- something like that.
But the X-Men'll call me back. And the new semester's gonna start, and the kids... [ There's a short chuckle there, like Logan can't believe he's talking about kids-- like he hasn't been teaching for a few years now, like he isn't used to it. ] They're gonna need their history professor.
I'm gonna be in Westchester. Not so far away. [ Head tilting, he touches the tip of his nose to the top of Matt's head. His scent is stronger here, and it's surreal just how different it really is from the memory he has of the boy he taught. ]
...I'll be better at this "keeping in touch" thing.
[ His skin tingles in the absence of Logan's touch, and Matt sighs unconsciously, missing the innocent intimacy of it.
The man's answer isn't a surprise, in fact it's pretty much what Matt expected to hear. But he's disappointed all the same. He shoves the feeling down, however. What Logan does at the school is important; those kids need him. More than Matt does, even if some jealous part wants to believe otherwise. ]
Daredevil and Wolverine, huh? [ He smiles; it'll probably never be a reality, but it's nice to imagine. ] You do good work up there, at your school. Important work. I'm glad the kids have someone like you to help them.
[ His hand finds Logan's, taking as much contact as he can get until the man decides it's time to go. ] Just call me once in a while, let me know how you're doing? More than once a decade.
[ Logan laughs a bit at that, quiet and self-deprecating, and nods his head. ] You got it. [ Because it's not like Matt's wrong, and Logan's never been the best at communication.
He appreciates the truth of it. ]
It's no excuse, but it's been a rough... couple of years. I... [ He hesitates, then admits: ] I pushed a lot of people away.
[ Their fingers lace again. The show's turned into pleasant background noise, tuned out now in favour of listening to Matt breathe and the strong, strong beats of his heart.
He's more or less gotten over the fact that Matt was in a coma, having seen how active he's been trying to get himself back in working order, but it doesn't make Logan feel any worse whenever he remembers that heart beating weaker. How it'd sounded, as he sat by Matt's prone and unconscious body... ]
I'd scold you for not coming to me when you needed help, but... [ A soft snort communicates his acknowledgment of the hypocrisy inherent in that scenario. ] I'm not exactly the poster child for reaching out, myself.
[ If he'd been better at letting people in on his troubles, better at admitting even to himself that he couldn't handle it all alone, maybe he wouldn't have wound up getting buried under a building. But then if that hadn't happened, maybe Logan wouldn't be sitting pressed against his side right now.
"So are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." If this was the path Matt had to walk down in order to be where he is at this moment, then he won't question the Lord's mysteries. ]
Maybe I can, uh...head up there and visit you sometime. Only seems fair.
[ Assuming he'd be welcome, and Matt practically holds his breath while waiting for the reaction. It's very possible Logan isn't interested in combining these two disparate parts of his life. Matt is mostly his past, after all. This school, these special children, they're his present. ]
[ The suggestion is a far cry from the boy that Logan knew to be stubborn enough he'd never leave Hell's Kitchen. It's enough to get him to turn his head a bit, looking down at Matt with furrowed brows as if he's not sure this is the real him.
But time brings change. It's done so for Logan, and it's unmistakably done so for Matt, as if the red suit and the new moniker doesn't make that obvious enough on its own.
It's still surprising to hear. Logan's smiling, and he knows Matt can't see it, so he brings their joined hands up and gently touches his nose to one of Matt's knuckles and lets out the gentlest huff of breath from his nostrils. ]
Surprise me.
[ But he has to add, lowering their joined hands, ] Only after 5 p.m. on weekdays, though. Office hours.
[ It's still surreal to think he has office hours. Not quite as surreal as imagining Matt visiting, though, and Logan almost wants to laugh at it. ]
[ Matt still isn't excited by the idea of leaving his beloved neighborhood. But coming so close to death can change a man, and he owes Logan so much, least of all the time he's put into helping Matt recover. He didn't have to stay, didn't have to put his own life on hold for this. But he did, and no one has ever done that for Matt before.
The sensation of Logan's breath on his skin makes him a little weak inside, and he has to take a couple slow breaths to keep from tearing up because it seems like everything makes him want to cry these days. Swallowing past the lump in his throat, he focuses on the image of James Howlett standing in front of a class, holding forth on whatever subject he's decided is the most important.
It's not that hard to imagine. He'd been so good with the kids at St. Agnes. ]
If I come all the way up there to visit, I want to sit in on a class. None of this office hours nonsense.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
i thought i was ready for the homoerotic tension but i wasn't
...god damn it. [ He laughs, realising: ] It ain't on the teevee any more.
[ Which means he's going to try in what he presumes will be a low degree of success. ]
Remember that Emperor Penguin, the one that couldn't find a mate? [ Logan's not necessarily good at heartfelt narration, but he'd been absorbed enough in that story to have described everything to Matt at a pace of speaking quicker than his usual. ] His body was normal, [ which he draws ] but he had shorter flippers like this... [ Drawing the penguin with its flippers down, the tips of them reach only halfway along the penguin's total height. ] Figure that's why he had so much trouble swimming.
[ He continues to draw, murmuring in low, easy tones as he goes to describe the rest of it, and before Logan really notices what's happening, a low rumbling starts in the base of his chest.
Apparently he's reached the peak level of comfort, and it shows even in the sweeter twist to his scent.
(Apparently he's purring.) ]
no subject
He should have tried harder to keep Logan from disappearing out of his life for so long. ]
The world is so judgmental. I'll bet he would have been a fantastic mate if some penguin had given him a chance.
[ The sound goes unnoticed at first, just softly building in the background, a sort of vibration in Matt's bones more than anything else. By the time his brain processes what his ears are hearing, he's already succumbed to the comforting sensation, leaning once again on Logan's arm, eyes closed.
He doesn't want to disturb anything, doesn't want to make the rumbling stop or turn that sweet scent sour. So he asks his question in a whisper. ] Are you going to stick around after I'm healed?
no subject
But the question has him turning from looking at his finger to looking at the top of Matt's head instead.
He wants to lie, but he knows there wouldn't be a point to it.
So instead, he admits, ] Maybe just long enough to be sure you won't be passing out in the middle of all your jumping. [ His pinky withdraws and his arm settles, but close enough that it's pressed gently against Matt's own. ] Daredevil and Wolverine-- something like that.
But the X-Men'll call me back. And the new semester's gonna start, and the kids... [ There's a short chuckle there, like Logan can't believe he's talking about kids-- like he hasn't been teaching for a few years now, like he isn't used to it. ] They're gonna need their history professor.
I'm gonna be in Westchester. Not so far away. [ Head tilting, he touches the tip of his nose to the top of Matt's head. His scent is stronger here, and it's surreal just how different it really is from the memory he has of the boy he taught. ]
...I'll be better at this "keeping in touch" thing.
no subject
The man's answer isn't a surprise, in fact it's pretty much what Matt expected to hear. But he's disappointed all the same. He shoves the feeling down, however. What Logan does at the school is important; those kids need him. More than Matt does, even if some jealous part wants to believe otherwise. ]
Daredevil and Wolverine, huh? [ He smiles; it'll probably never be a reality, but it's nice to imagine. ] You do good work up there, at your school. Important work. I'm glad the kids have someone like you to help them.
[ His hand finds Logan's, taking as much contact as he can get until the man decides it's time to go. ] Just call me once in a while, let me know how you're doing? More than once a decade.
no subject
He appreciates the truth of it. ]
It's no excuse, but it's been a rough... couple of years. I... [ He hesitates, then admits: ] I pushed a lot of people away.
[ Their fingers lace again. The show's turned into pleasant background noise, tuned out now in favour of listening to Matt breathe and the strong, strong beats of his heart.
He's more or less gotten over the fact that Matt was in a coma, having seen how active he's been trying to get himself back in working order, but it doesn't make Logan feel any worse whenever he remembers that heart beating weaker. How it'd sounded, as he sat by Matt's prone and unconscious body... ]
But I don't want to any more.
no subject
[ If he'd been better at letting people in on his troubles, better at admitting even to himself that he couldn't handle it all alone, maybe he wouldn't have wound up getting buried under a building. But then if that hadn't happened, maybe Logan wouldn't be sitting pressed against his side right now.
"So are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." If this was the path Matt had to walk down in order to be where he is at this moment, then he won't question the Lord's mysteries. ]
Maybe I can, uh...head up there and visit you sometime. Only seems fair.
[ Assuming he'd be welcome, and Matt practically holds his breath while waiting for the reaction. It's very possible Logan isn't interested in combining these two disparate parts of his life. Matt is mostly his past, after all. This school, these special children, they're his present. ]
no subject
But time brings change. It's done so for Logan, and it's unmistakably done so for Matt, as if the red suit and the new moniker doesn't make that obvious enough on its own.
It's still surprising to hear. Logan's smiling, and he knows Matt can't see it, so he brings their joined hands up and gently touches his nose to one of Matt's knuckles and lets out the gentlest huff of breath from his nostrils. ]
Surprise me.
[ But he has to add, lowering their joined hands, ] Only after 5 p.m. on weekdays, though. Office hours.
[ It's still surreal to think he has office hours. Not quite as surreal as imagining Matt visiting, though, and Logan almost wants to laugh at it. ]
no subject
The sensation of Logan's breath on his skin makes him a little weak inside, and he has to take a couple slow breaths to keep from tearing up because it seems like everything makes him want to cry these days. Swallowing past the lump in his throat, he focuses on the image of James Howlett standing in front of a class, holding forth on whatever subject he's decided is the most important.
It's not that hard to imagine. He'd been so good with the kids at St. Agnes. ]
If I come all the way up there to visit, I want to sit in on a class. None of this office hours nonsense.