[ So he goes inside, certain she'll hear him, smell him. He doesn't make any effort to be sneaky about it. If Laura doesn't meet him, he'll find her first.
Logan smells like gasoline still. It was a long ride. ]
[ Against his will he always remembers what Xavier told him, how Laura's his daughter. Not like his daughter, but is. Logan rarely feels like a proper father, wouldn't even know how to begin with that (he was raised by a feral brother on his end, after all), but.
He doesn't really smile for just anyone, even if it's cracked a little around the edges with that ever-present fatigue. ]
Sorry. [ He doesn't apologise to just anyone, either. ] For being gone so long.
[ the smile is unexpected … but nice. lips twitching, laura gives him one of her own, small and barely there, the expression unnatural on her features. that's not to say there isn't warmth behind it, though. the look on logan's face and the apology to go with it more than enough to diffuse whatever anger she'd been hiding about her perceived abandonment. ]
It's okay.
[ a short silence follows and she pushes her hands into her pockets. ]
[ Logan shrugs. He finds the nearest thing he can sit on with her, settling on it with his hands folded and resting between his knees. ] Felt nice not to be stared at with concern.
[ Concern isn't a bad thing, generally. But if he's going to be looked at for days by the X-Men and a bunch of mutant children, all of them wanting to help and Logan unable to tell them that in his world they all died, and he doesn't know how to deal with them all being alive now, then he'd much rather be alone a while.
A long-ish while, which isn't necessary a good thing, either.
Logan looks at Laura now, offering his own question in barter, but maybe it's more loaded than hers had been. ]
[ avoiding what he's really asking, her answer a deliberately obtuse one as she interprets his question in the most literal and obvious way. ]
I am healthy and relatively safe here
[ a slight elaboration on her answer, but still not a proper one. because, honestly, laura doesn't know what to say to him. does logan want to hear certain words? does he want the truth? those words and feelings always a greater struggle, given her inability to fully understand her own emotions and what they mean, the facility having tried to breed them out of her to make laura the perfect weapon. something they ultimately failed at, leaving her caught somewhere between being a real person and being nothing at all. no one can say that she isn't at least trying to be something more, though. ]
[ Logan's not nearly as complex, humanity-wise, as most people tend to be. Mostly, he wants to hear whatever it is Laura wants to say. In that sense, 'healthy and relatively safe' is an okay answer. She'd get a gold star if this was school. ]
That's good. [ If he wanted to force answers out of her, what kind of person would he be? Logan's never been that type, but he can certainly be the type to put a hand on Laura's shoulder for a moment before it slips off. ] Healthy and safe don't sound half bad.
[ if it were anyone else, the movement before the contact would be enough to get her hackles raising and her claws popping out with a snikt, but this is logan and that reaction isn't needed. in fact, the hand to shoulder contact is almost welcomed to the point where a part of laura finds herself missing it when it disappears, the kindness in it reminding her of her mother and the handful of stolen moments they shared in her cell — a memory she's quick to bury lest it be tainted by all the bad things that came after. ]
[ she shifts a little then, what he says next causing her to lapse into her usual stoic silence, legs drawing up to her chest and arms wrapping around them. ]
I … do not know.
[ more of a no than a yes. after all, if you were happy, you'd know it ]
[ It sounds better than 'no'. Logan's gaze shifts from the empty space ahead of him to the girl at his side, and while she's curled up he sits with his legs spread lazily and his hands even lazier between his thighs.
He's not good at this, being tender. But he can certainly try.
Sometimes he forgets that Laura's so young, even with her looks. Usually young mutants are better off in the hands of the other X-Men, but Laura's different, isn't she? ]
For me, I think what'd make me happiest... [ He crinkles his nose. ] No, more like "at peace", is... forgiveness.
Did a lot of bad things in my life, things I can't apologise to nobody for because they're all dead. [ Or because the timeline is different and Logan hasn't done those bad things any more. It makes his insides twist just thinking about it. ] But I can try forgiving myself, I guess.
I can't take back all the people I killed, the shit I did. But.
I'm working at being a good guy. [ He scoffs. ] ...which sounds like bullshit, but it is what it is.
[ like an accurate summary of her own feelings, saying all of the things she didn't quite know how to give voice to. it shouldn't be that surprising that laura feels the same way, though. she is, after all, just like him. a carbon copy in all the ways that matter, yet different in all the ways that don't. because for as much as she's like logan, laura is still her own person. the trouble for her is, finding out just who that person is. something that can be incredibly hard when others are so sure they know her better than she knows herself. ]
[ body language becoming slightly more open, laura unwraps her arms from her legs, letting them hang loosely at her sides as she turns to look up properly at wolverine, green eyes meeting darker ones. ]
Thank you, Logan.
[ for sharing. for being honest. for trying to make things better. for being with her now. ]
Hey. [ He offers her the smallest quirk of a smile, but it's gone as soon as it formed. ] ...any time.
[ In a way, this is cathartic for him, too. ]
You got a long way to go, kid. [ Logan's looking forward again, not out of any distaste, but really -- prolonged eye contact in a relatively emotional moment? It's really not his style. ] Lots of things to see, people to meet.
You got centuries ahead of you to figure it out.
[ Logan certainly does. ]
someone anonymously gifted me two months of paid time, so i switched back to my original PB!
[ a handful of others — namely storm and gambit — have told her as much. ]
I have been trying, but … it has not been easy. [ not that she expected it to be. but then, nothing worthwhile ever is. or so she's learning. ] I believe I have made some progress, though.
[ not entirely. there's no denying that her body is built like a weapon, and one that laura uses skillfully at that. the difference is, whenever she unsheathes her claws now, it's for herself and for the lives of others, not under the orders of the men in white. the ones who poked and prodded, shaped and molded, and tried to create the perfect living weapon, only to fail in their efforts despite the horrors of the scientific experimentation they subjected her to. ]
I have killed and still would kill if I have to, but never again will I be used the way Rice and Sutter intended.
[ anyone who thinks otherwise will find themselves sorely mistaken. ]
[ The similarities are uncanny. Granted, Logan's moment of realisation occurred much later -- years after he'd been experimented on -- but it sounded just like that.
'I am not Stryker's weapon'. 'I am not just an animal'.
[ her response is immediate, without any thought required: ]
Okay.
[ and the thing is, she isn't saying that just because logan's asked it of her, she's saying it because she wants to go with him. the x-men are suitable enough for meeting her basic needs and providing her with structure and routine so she isn't completely at a loss with what to do with herself, given her inability to fit in naturally the way the other children her age do, but if given the choice, as logan has just offered her, she'd rather be with him, even if part of her is aware it won't be easygoing. but perhaps the more time they spend around each other the more their relationship will improve. either way, she won't know unless she goes, and laura very much wants to. her mind already prompting her to ask all of the important questions like when and where to and will she need to bring anything. ]
[ however, instead of voicing anything else related, laura moves to stand, hair falling in front of her face as she looks down at him, countenance serious yet soft with concern — if he knows where to look for it. ]
You should rest now.
i know this is late but god i just wanted to close this properly ;_; these two
[ As if he'd not left the city precisely to rest. But the fatigue in Logan's bones seems to stick with an unholy permanence; he's always going to be tired, no matter how much sleep he gets, because demons don't leave that easy.
Still, whilst his sins may never be forgiven, his future doesn't have to be as bleak as his past. Laura's doesn't, either.
And their present most especially doesn't have to be so lonely. ]
[ technically, it's not her decision to make since she's not the authority here, but if anyone wants to fight her on it, they're welcome to try. she doubts the others will question it, though. logan is one of them. if anything, finding him come morning will be a nice surprise, people like storm and nightcrawler caring for logan just as much as she does. and what was it julian told her once? oh, right, that's it: once an x-man, always an x-man. ]
I have a spare pillow in my room. Do you want it?
[ like her, he's no stranger to the absence of what others wouldn't even consider as luxuries and discomfort, but that doesn't mean either of them have to endure it if there's a choice. ]
[ mouth curving, laura turns and departs, leaving logan for no longer than is necessary to retrieve the pillow she offered, collecting a scratchy blanket from the top of her wardrobe as an afterthought. the cold has never particularly bothered her. she was built to endure the harshest of conditions, her training equipping her for all climates, which means there's a strong probability of logan feeling the same way. that's not why she picked it up, though. ]
[ items gathered, she returns back the way she came, wordlessly offering the sleeping equipment up to him in a here, take it gesture. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I know.
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Logan smells like gasoline still. It was a long ride. ]
Hey.
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Hi.
[ a beat, then: ]
You look tired.
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[ Against his will he always remembers what Xavier told him, how Laura's his daughter. Not like his daughter, but is. Logan rarely feels like a proper father, wouldn't even know how to begin with that (he was raised by a feral brother on his end, after all), but.
He doesn't really smile for just anyone, even if it's cracked a little around the edges with that ever-present fatigue. ]
Sorry. [ He doesn't apologise to just anyone, either. ] For being gone so long.
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It's okay.
[ a short silence follows and she pushes her hands into her pockets. ]
Did it help?
[ leaving, she means. ]
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[ Concern isn't a bad thing, generally. But if he's going to be looked at for days by the X-Men and a bunch of mutant children, all of them wanting to help and Logan unable to tell them that in his world they all died, and he doesn't know how to deal with them all being alive now, then he'd much rather be alone a while.
A long-ish while, which isn't necessary a good thing, either.
Logan looks at Laura now, offering his own question in barter, but maybe it's more loaded than hers had been. ]
How do you feel?
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[ avoiding what he's really asking, her answer a deliberately obtuse one as she interprets his question in the most literal and obvious way. ]
I am healthy and relatively safe here
[ a slight elaboration on her answer, but still not a proper one. because, honestly, laura doesn't know what to say to him. does logan want to hear certain words? does he want the truth? those words and feelings always a greater struggle, given her inability to fully understand her own emotions and what they mean, the facility having tried to breed them out of her to make laura the perfect weapon. something they ultimately failed at, leaving her caught somewhere between being a real person and being nothing at all. no one can say that she isn't at least trying to be something more, though. ]
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That's good. [ If he wanted to force answers out of her, what kind of person would he be? Logan's never been that type, but he can certainly be the type to put a hand on Laura's shoulder for a moment before it slips off. ] Healthy and safe don't sound half bad.
You happy?
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[ she shifts a little then, what he says next causing her to lapse into her usual stoic silence, legs drawing up to her chest and arms wrapping around them. ]
I … do not know.
[ more of a no than a yes. after all, if you were happy, you'd know it ]
Are you happy?
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[ It sounds better than 'no'. Logan's gaze shifts from the empty space ahead of him to the girl at his side, and while she's curled up he sits with his legs spread lazily and his hands even lazier between his thighs.
He's not good at this, being tender. But he can certainly try.
Sometimes he forgets that Laura's so young, even with her looks. Usually young mutants are better off in the hands of the other X-Men, but Laura's different, isn't she? ]
But I'm working at it.
It's all anyone can do.
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How are you "working on it"?
[ a typical example of when in doubt, just ask. ]
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For me, I think what'd make me happiest... [ He crinkles his nose. ] No, more like "at peace", is... forgiveness.
Did a lot of bad things in my life, things I can't apologise to nobody for because they're all dead. [ Or because the timeline is different and Logan hasn't done those bad things any more. It makes his insides twist just thinking about it. ] But I can try forgiving myself, I guess.
I can't take back all the people I killed, the shit I did. But.
I'm working at being a good guy. [ He scoffs. ] ...which sounds like bullshit, but it is what it is.
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[ like an accurate summary of her own feelings, saying all of the things she didn't quite know how to give voice to. it shouldn't be that surprising that laura feels the same way, though. she is, after all, just like him. a carbon copy in all the ways that matter, yet different in all the ways that don't. because for as much as she's like logan, laura is still her own person. the trouble for her is, finding out just who that person is. something that can be incredibly hard when others are so sure they know her better than she knows herself. ]
[ body language becoming slightly more open, laura unwraps her arms from her legs, letting them hang loosely at her sides as she turns to look up properly at wolverine, green eyes meeting darker ones. ]
Thank you, Logan.
[ for sharing. for being honest. for trying to make things better. for being with her now. ]
new icons!!
[ In a way, this is cathartic for him, too. ]
You got a long way to go, kid. [ Logan's looking forward again, not out of any distaste, but really -- prolonged eye contact in a relatively emotional moment? It's really not his style. ] Lots of things to see, people to meet.
You got centuries ahead of you to figure it out.
[ Logan certainly does. ]
someone anonymously gifted me two months of paid time, so i switched back to my original PB!
I know.
[ a handful of others — namely storm and gambit — have told her as much. ]
I have been trying, but … it has not been easy. [ not that she expected it to be. but then, nothing worthwhile ever is. or so she's learning. ] I believe I have made some progress, though.
THAT IS SO AWESOME ; A ;
What'd you figure out?
i only wish i knew who it was so i could thank them properly for it!
That I am not what the Facility made me.
[ not entirely. there's no denying that her body is built like a weapon, and one that laura uses skillfully at that. the difference is, whenever she unsheathes her claws now, it's for herself and for the lives of others, not under the orders of the men in white. the ones who poked and prodded, shaped and molded, and tried to create the perfect living weapon, only to fail in their efforts despite the horrors of the scientific experimentation they subjected her to. ]
I have killed and still would kill if I have to, but never again will I be used the way Rice and Sutter intended.
[ anyone who thinks otherwise will find themselves sorely mistaken. ]
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'I am not Stryker's weapon'. 'I am not just an animal'.
He nods his head. ]
See? You're already doing better than I did.
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They were wrong to hurt us.
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[ Laura didn't mean for anything that happened to her to happen to her.
Logan signed up with Stryker in the first place, even if the results varied from what Stryker told him. That's not something he can forget. ]
...hey. [ It comes out quiet, and Logan half-wishes he had a cigar in hand right now. ] Next time I leave town, why don't you come with me.
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Okay.
[ and the thing is, she isn't saying that just because logan's asked it of her, she's saying it because she wants to go with him. the x-men are suitable enough for meeting her basic needs and providing her with structure and routine so she isn't completely at a loss with what to do with herself, given her inability to fit in naturally the way the other children her age do, but if given the choice, as logan has just offered her, she'd rather be with him, even if part of her is aware it won't be easygoing. but perhaps the more time they spend around each other the more their relationship will improve. either way, she won't know unless she goes, and laura very much wants to. her mind already prompting her to ask all of the important questions like when and where to and will she need to bring anything. ]
[ however, instead of voicing anything else related, laura moves to stand, hair falling in front of her face as she looks down at him, countenance serious yet soft with concern — if he knows where to look for it. ]
You should rest now.
i know this is late but god i just wanted to close this properly ;_; these two
[ As if he'd not left the city precisely to rest. But the fatigue in Logan's bones seems to stick with an unholy permanence; he's always going to be tired, no matter how much sleep he gets, because demons don't leave that easy.
Still, whilst his sins may never be forgiven, his future doesn't have to be as bleak as his past. Laura's doesn't, either.
And their present most especially doesn't have to be so lonely. ]
Think I could have this couch for the night?
nooo, it's fine! and, ugh, ikr?
[ technically, it's not her decision to make since she's not the authority here, but if anyone wants to fight her on it, they're welcome to try. she doubts the others will question it, though. logan is one of them. if anything, finding him come morning will be a nice surprise, people like storm and nightcrawler caring for logan just as much as she does. and what was it julian told her once? oh, right, that's it: once an x-man, always an x-man. ]
I have a spare pillow in my room. Do you want it?
[ like her, he's no stranger to the absence of what others wouldn't even consider as luxuries and discomfort, but that doesn't mean either of them have to endure it if there's a choice. ]
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[ There's no hesitation there, but what follows takes a couple of seconds before it comes out: ] Thanks.
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[ items gathered, she returns back the way she came, wordlessly offering the sleeping equipment up to him in a here, take it gesture. ]
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