[ Before all this, before Xavier and the X-Men and the strange feeling of family and sentiment, Logan would've answered "yes".
Instead, he's keeping his eyes on the road. ]
No, it isn't.
[ He doesn't have that spark of hope, not really. It's why he can't ever be more in the way that Xavier is, or Storm, or Jean or Scott. But he knows that it's a good thing, wanting to believe in something better. Logan doesn't trust the world, but he'll protect the ones who do. ]
I'm talking more about how you can't feel too bad. [ A pause. ] When you're treated poorly.
You don't deserve it, [ God why is he so bad at words, why did Xavier let him teach ] it's just. Lots of people are shit.
it's always the ones you least expect!! i have a few of those 8'D
[and kurt keeps his attention on logan, even if he ends up blinking at the back of his head.
eventually, he returns his gaze to the landscape, absentmindedly thumping his head against the wolverine's back. his shoulders slacken, posture relaxed now that he's been reassured; he has no idea if the older male means it, but the sentiment is amiable.
sometimes, things simply cannot be sugar-coated and that's okay. he'll get used to the way logan comforts people then seek him out when he needs a straightforward, no nonsense answer.]
Mmhmm, [is the hummed response.] I'm aware, Mister Howlett.
[he just hates acknowledging them.] It would probably be less troublesome if I disguised myself better.
[ The other X-Men tend to swing towards "be proud of who you are, you're beautiful, don't choose to be anything but what you are" types of ideologies. It's another fundamental difference between them and Logan; Kurt's little statement would inspire a pep talk from anyone else, but he got stuck with the feral. ]
I don't know. [which isn't a lie.] I'd much prefer to be myself when meeting people.
[nightcrawler can already imagine jubilee in all her sprightliness, demanding that he take it back with at least scott, jean and ororo to back her up. the older mutant's response seems to give an additional amount of realness to the situation because what if he needed to blend in with non-mutants for a specific mission and whatnot? when he answers, it's truthful, at the very least.]
That's true. [ The convenience, that is. Logan snorts.
By now they've left the city, going down the nature-crawling path leading towards the school. All the trees are more comfortable to him than the skyscraper buildings, always have been. Logan has always wondered if that's got something to do with the past he doesn't remember, but also has stopped truly caring enough to figure it out. ]
I've never thought convenience equalled happiness.
[ If that was the case, he'd have left the school for good ages ago. ]
But I hear it takes time to figure shit like that out. Ideologies, or whatever. [ When he turns back again, for a very brief moment, he sees the top of Kurt's head against his back. His lips twitch, but Logan doesn't push him off. ] So hey, you ever come up with an answer, I say be proud of it no matter what other people think.
An adult decision is one you make without pressure from anyone else.
[again, kurt's lips quirk with amusement at the older mutant's breathe of a laugh.
watching the trees rush by is comforting compared to the group of people that'd been making him feel super anxious; he has no problem keeping an eye on that, specifically when logan mentions that happiness doesn't necessarily come from convenience.
he's unaware of logan looking back at him this time and doesn't bother raising his head, considering he isn't fond of the suggestion that he'll have to make an 'adult' decision about it.] Even if there are plenty of people that will want to give their input?
I wouldn't say that I'd be proud with the ability to hide myself, but ... it could be interesting to experiment with.
That's the thing about having friends, ain't it. Can't exactly run away from their worry.
[ It's probably funny coming from Logan, who can barely stay at the mansion for more than a few months at a time. But Logan's not like Kurt, not even a little bit, and he's sure that's got to count for something. ]
But worries're there for you to keep in mind, not to control you.
Friends'll support you no matter what you pick, long as you're sure you're making the right decision.
Without, well. [ He shrugs. ] Hurting yourself or anything, you know.
Well, you can try, but when you have people that can find you with their minds, it's tough to hide forever.
[hint hint, logan. a subtle one, but it's there, nonetheless.
he makes a fair point about the friends being around, for keeping you on your toes and supporting you when you need it. what bothers him is imagining the expression on their faces, should they ever find out about his habitual scarification.
to be fair, it's been a long time since his last mark. that doesn't mean there are things he feels he should be forgiven for and admitting that sort of thing just feels. improper.]
Of course! [he answers, maybe too quickly, although he won't draw attention to it.] Nobody I know at the Institute would want that.
aw man thanks for warning! it was p mild but i rly appreciate the sentiment
[ Don't think Logan missed that immediate response, not even for a second. ]
You shouldn't, either. [ His tone of voice is stern, but he's not going to pry any further. It's not something he's good at, not like Xavier is, and he doubts any of his attempts to "help" can be more constructive than its destructive counterpart.
Fortunately, the mansion's coming up into view. Logan drives through the open gates, drives until he's at the front steps leading up to the door, and then finally brings the bike to a stop. The engine still rumbles -- he's got to park it, after all -- but this is where Kurt gets off. Supposedly.
Looking at him with the smallest, most crooked tip at a smile, Logan shrugs. ] Welcome home, kid.
yeah np! i figured better safe than sorry and all :>
[yes, well, that'll be a problem future kurt will have to deal with.]
Absolutely not, [blue answers with some urgency. he would never, ever wish anything bad upon his fellow gifted, no matter the circumstances. even during that time in berlin with angel and-- oh good! the rise of xavier's school in the distance effectively derails all those bad thoughts.
straightening a bit more, his fangs gleaming, he peeks around logan's shoulder to see better. now that they're finally back, kurt feels like he can unwind for sure, more specifically when the gates pass on either side of them and the bike stops at the edge of the stone stairs.
he hops off the motorcycle with ease, bag slung over his shoulder and his face cracked in a grin as he turns round on his heel. one of his tri-fingered hands raises, tongue clicking as he gestures a fingergun in logan's direction-- then immediately regrets how awkward that might have seemed, but his features don't falter. great advice, peter! super smooth.
haha, not.
ahem, anyway!] Thanks, Logan. [in all likelihood, he shouldn't call him that, but it's only them.] Meet you inside?
[which is exactly where the heck he's headed, silently praying wolverine won't tell anyone about ... that.]
[ He lets whatever strange gesture Kurt just performed roll off of him as if it never happened -- in truth, what really hits him is the invitation that comes after. Logan blinks once, as if needing a moment to consider it (meet him inside? Huh), before offering an actual half-smirk this time. ]
All right, kid.
[ And with that, he's taking the bike to the garage.
Logan reemerges from the kitchen, having picked two bottles of pop up on the way, and true to form finds Kurt (who gets that second bottle). ]
[once inside, kurt shrugs the bag off and reaches with the free hand to scrub over his face, head shaking as he pops a quick message to a certain speedster.
then, he plops on the end of the stairs, rummaging through the things he'd purchased while waiting for logan. the sound of footsteps draws his attention and he raises his head, just in time to see the beverage being offered to him. he wastes no time taking it, golden eyes twinkling with mirth once he gets the bottle open.]
I'm a nerd, remember? [he smirks, raises the drink in his hand in a cheers! sort of manner then takes a drink.]
And I'm a teacher who ain't supposed to expect the best outta you.
[ Well... no. Technically he's supposed to assume that all the kids he's teaching are good, but doesn't the school have enough people like that? Xavier and Hank are the most obvious ones, and even Mystique's the same -- though God knows she'll hide it under some kind of tough exterior that fools no-one.
Logan treats the kids like runts. Runts that he's fond of, sure, but still runts. ]
For all I know, you skipped outta the mansion to procrastinate. [ The word feels funny in his mouth. Procrastinate. God, he's got to stop talking to Hank.
He washes the taste of literary ability down with his pop. ]
[he opens his mouth to retort, thinks better of it and bites his lip instead.
logan's not technically incorrect — he does treat them differently than the other teachers — but for some reason, kurt still can't help feeling offended that he would assume such nonsense. he's a good kid-- doesn't cause trouble (usually), never skips class, does all his homework ...
little blue huffs with irritation, tucks the soda between his knees, hands gesturing wildly at the air.]
I'll go get it right now, if need be! There are other students far less diligent than myself.
[ Logan has to bite back another laugh, one he hides in lips touching the end of his bottle.
He settles for: ] God, you're easily offended. [ Not that he minds, really. Someone easy to read is a nice change of pace -- Logan's not a telepath and he doesn't think himself particularly insightful, so Kurt's open expressions and slightly whingeing tone of voice are a welcome change to the overarching cryptic feel of the rest of Logan's life. ]
[kurt's eyebrows knit together, attention solely on logan, expression creased in a mixture of indignation and confusion. he doesn't understand what the older male is laughing about-- until he explains, of course.]
... oh, [he sighs, tense posture immediately relaxing. with the heart-shaped end of that tail, he plucks the bottle up, takes a quick drink then drops his elbows on his knees, cheeks propped up in his palms.]
Guess I'm still getting used to that sort of thing. Aw, gee, everyone else has already warned me of this– er– social norm? Is that what it's called? [another huff as he scrubs both hands over his face.]
[ Logan takes his place at Kurt's side, the way he sits lazy and slouching. It's considerably more relaxed than Kurt's position, but Logan's got a feeling Kurt isn't exactly the best at 'kicking back and relaxing'.
That he -- the master of stiffness -- can think such a thing of someone means that it's no laughing matter. ]
Did no-one mess with you in Germany? [ At least, he thinks Kurt's from Germany. He doesn't listen very well to these things that Charles tells him. ]
[he nods in agreement first, then inclines his head, glancing at logan from his peripheral.
to be fair, kurt knows how to relax, but he's more likely to do it when no one is paying attention or if he's alone. an odd thing, he realizes, although he feels like he can chalk it up to not being completely integrated with the other mutants of the school.
all his friends are wonderful; he can't fight that niggling voice in the back of his head, though, telling him it can't last forever.]
My siblings and I would prank each other when we were younger, but— [he stops, bites the inside of his cheek.] Those were different times.
[ "Different times". Seems like a common thread for siblings, though Logan doubts Kurt's experience could be anything like his own. Kurt's a good kid -- not a bad bone in his body, not like Logan was. Like he still is, more than he'd like to admit.
He takes another gulp of pop, shrugging his shoulders up. ]
Tell me about them. [ The times, the siblings. Logan could go with either. ]
[attention briefly focused on his knees, nightcrawler blinks in thought, trying to recall a recent memory of the last moments he'd spent with his circus family. nothing that he can remember being on-topic, but the further he goes back--]
Jimaine is so clever, always coming up with the best tricks. One time, she tied a bell around my tail and for the better part of an hour, I thought I was going crazy.
[once the memory becomes more clear, he has to lower his own bottle, curl a fist against his mouth to cover a cough, which had been a laugh. he clears his throat, chuckling softly at the fond reminder.] Mother finally told me because she couldn't keep it secret anymore. They thought it was the funniest thing ever.
[ Logan has reached a point in his life where seeing the kids at the school smiling gets his own mouth threatening to pull the same expression. It's a little embarrassing -- if asked, he'll glare at anyone who says such a thing -- but he watches Kurt, with his bottle held at the neck between two fingers and his arm relaxed over his thigh, and.
It's cute. ]
There were a lot of you? [ Logan knows the answer before he asks. ] Kids, I mean.
I'd fallen asleep. She got lucky and caught me off-guard.
[he snaps his fingers with disappointment, but the upward lift of those blue lips tells another story. kurt's rather fond of his circus family-- so much so that he'd even thought about asking the professor to help him track them down.
until it happens, he can sigh and be nostalgic about them.]
Three of us. We went all over Germany with the traveling circus before it [pause] fell into the wrong hands, as it were.
[he expects no less than straightforward from logan and (unsurprisingly) kurt wants to be able to be upfront with him, too.]
The circus got sold to a man who wanted to put the people with more physical mutations in a freakshow.
[it all probably comes out a little too fast, words somewhat running together, but only because it leaves a bad taste in his mouth-- one he attempts to wash down with more carbonated drink.]
[ "Freakshow" and "circus" have two different connotations. Even Logan recognises it, though he's admittedly not the best at explaining how he does.
His expression darkens. Kurt might be trying to be more civil about it, but his anger is real -- more because being used like that so shitty people can profit hits closer to home than it should.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
i'm shocked by how attached i became to wolverine really /o\
Instead, he's keeping his eyes on the road. ]
No, it isn't.
[ He doesn't have that spark of hope, not really. It's why he can't ever be more in the way that Xavier is, or Storm, or Jean or Scott. But he knows that it's a good thing, wanting to believe in something better. Logan doesn't trust the world, but he'll protect the ones who do. ]
I'm talking more about how you can't feel too bad. [ A pause. ] When you're treated poorly.
You don't deserve it, [ God why is he so bad at words, why did Xavier let him teach ] it's just. Lots of people are shit.
it's always the ones you least expect!! i have a few of those 8'D
eventually, he returns his gaze to the landscape, absentmindedly thumping his head against the wolverine's back. his shoulders slacken, posture relaxed now that he's been reassured; he has no idea if the older male means it, but the sentiment is amiable.
sometimes, things simply cannot be sugar-coated and that's okay. he'll get used to the way logan comforts people then seek him out when he needs a straightforward, no nonsense answer.]
Mmhmm, [is the hummed response.] I'm aware, Mister Howlett.
[he just hates acknowledging them.] It would probably be less troublesome if I disguised myself better.
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[ The other X-Men tend to swing towards "be proud of who you are, you're beautiful, don't choose to be anything but what you are" types of ideologies. It's another fundamental difference between them and Logan; Kurt's little statement would inspire a pep talk from anyone else, but he got stuck with the feral. ]
Disguising yourself. Would it make you happy?
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[nightcrawler can already imagine jubilee in all her sprightliness, demanding that he take it back with at least scott, jean and ororo to back her up. the older mutant's response seems to give an additional amount of realness to the situation because what if he needed to blend in with non-mutants for a specific mission and whatnot? when he answers, it's truthful, at the very least.]
But it could be convenient.
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By now they've left the city, going down the nature-crawling path leading towards the school. All the trees are more comfortable to him than the skyscraper buildings, always have been. Logan has always wondered if that's got something to do with the past he doesn't remember, but also has stopped truly caring enough to figure it out. ]
I've never thought convenience equalled happiness.
[ If that was the case, he'd have left the school for good ages ago. ]
But I hear it takes time to figure shit like that out. Ideologies, or whatever. [ When he turns back again, for a very brief moment, he sees the top of Kurt's head against his back. His lips twitch, but Logan doesn't push him off. ] So hey, you ever come up with an answer, I say be proud of it no matter what other people think.
An adult decision is one you make without pressure from anyone else.
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watching the trees rush by is comforting compared to the group of people that'd been making him feel super anxious; he has no problem keeping an eye on that, specifically when logan mentions that happiness doesn't necessarily come from convenience.
he's unaware of logan looking back at him this time and doesn't bother raising his head, considering he isn't fond of the suggestion that he'll have to make an 'adult' decision about it.] Even if there are plenty of people that will want to give their input?
I wouldn't say that I'd be proud with the ability to hide myself, but ... it could be interesting to experiment with.
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[ It's probably funny coming from Logan, who can barely stay at the mansion for more than a few months at a time. But Logan's not like Kurt, not even a little bit, and he's sure that's got to count for something. ]
But worries're there for you to keep in mind, not to control you.
Friends'll support you no matter what you pick, long as you're sure you're making the right decision.
Without, well. [ He shrugs. ] Hurting yourself or anything, you know.
cw: for kinda mentioning self-harm?
[hint hint, logan. a subtle one, but it's there, nonetheless.
he makes a fair point about the friends being around, for keeping you on your toes and supporting you when you need it. what bothers him is imagining the expression on their faces, should they ever find out about his habitual scarification.
to be fair, it's been a long time since his last mark. that doesn't mean there are things he feels he should be forgiven for and admitting that sort of thing just feels. improper.]
Of course! [he answers, maybe too quickly, although he won't draw attention to it.] Nobody I know at the Institute would want that.
aw man thanks for warning! it was p mild but i rly appreciate the sentiment
You shouldn't, either. [ His tone of voice is stern, but he's not going to pry any further. It's not something he's good at, not like Xavier is, and he doubts any of his attempts to "help" can be more constructive than its destructive counterpart.
Fortunately, the mansion's coming up into view. Logan drives through the open gates, drives until he's at the front steps leading up to the door, and then finally brings the bike to a stop. The engine still rumbles -- he's got to park it, after all -- but this is where Kurt gets off. Supposedly.
Looking at him with the smallest, most crooked tip at a smile, Logan shrugs. ] Welcome home, kid.
yeah np! i figured better safe than sorry and all :>
Absolutely not, [blue answers with some urgency. he would never, ever wish anything bad upon his fellow gifted, no matter the circumstances. even during that time in berlin with angel and-- oh good! the rise of xavier's school in the distance effectively derails all those bad thoughts.
straightening a bit more, his fangs gleaming, he peeks around logan's shoulder to see better. now that they're finally back, kurt feels like he can unwind for sure, more specifically when the gates pass on either side of them and the bike stops at the edge of the stone stairs.
he hops off the motorcycle with ease, bag slung over his shoulder and his face cracked in a grin as he turns round on his heel. one of his tri-fingered hands raises, tongue clicking as he gestures a fingergun in logan's direction-- then immediately regrets how awkward that might have seemed, but his features don't falter. great advice, peter! super smooth.
haha, not.
ahem, anyway!] Thanks, Logan. [in all likelihood, he shouldn't call him that, but it's only them.] Meet you inside?
[which is exactly where the heck he's headed, silently praying wolverine won't tell anyone about ... that.]
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All right, kid.
[ And with that, he's taking the bike to the garage.
Logan reemerges from the kitchen, having picked two bottles of pop up on the way, and true to form finds Kurt (who gets that second bottle). ]
You don't have homework or anything?
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then, he plops on the end of the stairs, rummaging through the things he'd purchased while waiting for logan. the sound of footsteps draws his attention and he raises his head, just in time to see the beverage being offered to him. he wastes no time taking it, golden eyes twinkling with mirth once he gets the bottle open.]
I'm a nerd, remember? [he smirks, raises the drink in his hand in a cheers! sort of manner then takes a drink.]
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[ Well... no. Technically he's supposed to assume that all the kids he's teaching are good, but doesn't the school have enough people like that? Xavier and Hank are the most obvious ones, and even Mystique's the same -- though God knows she'll hide it under some kind of tough exterior that fools no-one.
Logan treats the kids like runts. Runts that he's fond of, sure, but still runts. ]
For all I know, you skipped outta the mansion to procrastinate. [ The word feels funny in his mouth. Procrastinate. God, he's got to stop talking to Hank.
He washes the taste of literary ability down with his pop. ]
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logan's not technically incorrect — he does treat them differently than the other teachers — but for some reason, kurt still can't help feeling offended that he would assume such nonsense. he's a good kid-- doesn't cause trouble (usually), never skips class, does all his homework ...
little blue huffs with irritation, tucks the soda between his knees, hands gesturing wildly at the air.]
I'll go get it right now, if need be! There are other students far less diligent than myself.
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He settles for: ] God, you're easily offended. [ Not that he minds, really. Someone easy to read is a nice change of pace -- Logan's not a telepath and he doesn't think himself particularly insightful, so Kurt's open expressions and slightly whingeing tone of voice are a welcome change to the overarching cryptic feel of the rest of Logan's life. ]
You know I'm messing with you, right?
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... oh, [he sighs, tense posture immediately relaxing. with the heart-shaped end of that tail, he plucks the bottle up, takes a quick drink then drops his elbows on his knees, cheeks propped up in his palms.]
Guess I'm still getting used to that sort of thing. Aw, gee, everyone else has already warned me of this– er– social norm? Is that what it's called? [another huff as he scrubs both hands over his face.]
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[ Logan takes his place at Kurt's side, the way he sits lazy and slouching. It's considerably more relaxed than Kurt's position, but Logan's got a feeling Kurt isn't exactly the best at 'kicking back and relaxing'.
That he -- the master of stiffness -- can think such a thing of someone means that it's no laughing matter. ]
Did no-one mess with you in Germany? [ At least, he thinks Kurt's from Germany. He doesn't listen very well to these things that Charles tells him. ]
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to be fair, kurt knows how to relax, but he's more likely to do it when no one is paying attention or if he's alone. an odd thing, he realizes, although he feels like he can chalk it up to not being completely integrated with the other mutants of the school.
all his friends are wonderful; he can't fight that niggling voice in the back of his head, though, telling him it can't last forever.]
My siblings and I would prank each other when we were younger, but— [he stops, bites the inside of his cheek.] Those were different times.
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[ "Different times". Seems like a common thread for siblings, though Logan doubts Kurt's experience could be anything like his own. Kurt's a good kid -- not a bad bone in his body, not like Logan was. Like he still is, more than he'd like to admit.
He takes another gulp of pop, shrugging his shoulders up. ]
Tell me about them. [ The times, the siblings. Logan could go with either. ]
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Jimaine is so clever, always coming up with the best tricks. One time, she tied a bell around my tail and for the better part of an hour, I thought I was going crazy.
[once the memory becomes more clear, he has to lower his own bottle, curl a fist against his mouth to cover a cough, which had been a laugh. he clears his throat, chuckling softly at the fond reminder.] Mother finally told me because she couldn't keep it secret anymore. They thought it was the funniest thing ever.
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[ Logan has reached a point in his life where seeing the kids at the school smiling gets his own mouth threatening to pull the same expression. It's a little embarrassing -- if asked, he'll glare at anyone who says such a thing -- but he watches Kurt, with his bottle held at the neck between two fingers and his arm relaxed over his thigh, and.
It's cute. ]
There were a lot of you? [ Logan knows the answer before he asks. ] Kids, I mean.
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[he snaps his fingers with disappointment, but the upward lift of those blue lips tells another story. kurt's rather fond of his circus family-- so much so that he'd even thought about asking the professor to help him track them down.
until it happens, he can sigh and be nostalgic about them.]
Three of us. We went all over Germany with the traveling circus before it [pause] fell into the wrong hands, as it were.
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[ The way he says it reflects the heaviness of Kurt's tone. He frowns. ]
What do you mean?
[ There's no "if I can ask that" bullshit here, no sir. If Kurt's brought it up, Logan assumes he can ask. ]
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The circus got sold to a man who wanted to put the people with more physical mutations in a freakshow.
[it all probably comes out a little too fast, words somewhat running together, but only because it leaves a bad taste in his mouth-- one he attempts to wash down with more carbonated drink.]
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His expression darkens. Kurt might be trying to be more civil about it, but his anger is real -- more because being used like that so shitty people can profit hits closer to home than it should.
Not like Kurt knows that, but. ]
They still with him? Your family.
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