[ Is that really something to ask over text? Logan switches between looking ahead of him and looking down at his phone, typing one-handed when he's finally got nothing left but going straight. ]
[ By this point Logan's a few metres away from where Laura's holed herself up. She should be able to smell him -- smell the gasoline of his bike, everything in between.
[ she can smell him long before she sees him, the wind bringing her the scent of logan, the leather he's wearing, and the bike, heightened senses catching them all. she doesn't move out into the open and towards him, though. her mind having changed with the conversation about being face-to-face, the indecision stilling her limbs as she watches the bike slow and stop with green eyes that take in everything. ]
[ Logan actually has to take a few moments on that. He's not sure how to explain the complexities of what goes through his mind -- of the things that he has to think about, the things that have begun chipping at his mind. Shadowcat told him about time-travelling too far making the mind snap; he's not entirely sure if his own is still whole or not.
There are winding paragraphs he could write, but he settles, deciding Laura will probably get that words don't come easy. ]
[ unsurprisingly, most of the time she doesn't feel like it, and not just with logan but with everyone. the lack of eye contact something she's grateful for right now, words and emotions ever a struggle for her. ]
[ That one doesn't even need thinking. Laura happened after everything -- after the time-travel, after Logan had to see everyone he knew and loved die. Laura might be the only clear person in his life, the only one who his memories of don't split into two separate lanes.
He's just not good at being around people. It occurs to him, then, that maybe that's affected her in the wrong way. ]
[ slight uncertainty because as much as she wants to be around logan, it's seldom as easy as she would like it to be. but that's not all on him. she's just as much to blame, what with all her shortcomings. and anyway, it's not as though he had a choice about her arrival into his life. it just happened. and now here she is, part of his life but not. ]
[ So he goes inside, certain she'll hear him, smell him. He doesn't make any effort to be sneaky about it. If Laura doesn't meet him, he'll find her first.
Logan smells like gasoline still. It was a long ride. ]
[ Against his will he always remembers what Xavier told him, how Laura's his daughter. Not like his daughter, but is. Logan rarely feels like a proper father, wouldn't even know how to begin with that (he was raised by a feral brother on his end, after all), but.
He doesn't really smile for just anyone, even if it's cracked a little around the edges with that ever-present fatigue. ]
Sorry. [ He doesn't apologise to just anyone, either. ] For being gone so long.
[ the smile is unexpected … but nice. lips twitching, laura gives him one of her own, small and barely there, the expression unnatural on her features. that's not to say there isn't warmth behind it, though. the look on logan's face and the apology to go with it more than enough to diffuse whatever anger she'd been hiding about her perceived abandonment. ]
It's okay.
[ a short silence follows and she pushes her hands into her pockets. ]
[ Logan shrugs. He finds the nearest thing he can sit on with her, settling on it with his hands folded and resting between his knees. ] Felt nice not to be stared at with concern.
[ Concern isn't a bad thing, generally. But if he's going to be looked at for days by the X-Men and a bunch of mutant children, all of them wanting to help and Logan unable to tell them that in his world they all died, and he doesn't know how to deal with them all being alive now, then he'd much rather be alone a while.
A long-ish while, which isn't necessary a good thing, either.
Logan looks at Laura now, offering his own question in barter, but maybe it's more loaded than hers had been. ]
[ avoiding what he's really asking, her answer a deliberately obtuse one as she interprets his question in the most literal and obvious way. ]
I am healthy and relatively safe here
[ a slight elaboration on her answer, but still not a proper one. because, honestly, laura doesn't know what to say to him. does logan want to hear certain words? does he want the truth? those words and feelings always a greater struggle, given her inability to fully understand her own emotions and what they mean, the facility having tried to breed them out of her to make laura the perfect weapon. something they ultimately failed at, leaving her caught somewhere between being a real person and being nothing at all. no one can say that she isn't at least trying to be something more, though. ]
[ Logan's not nearly as complex, humanity-wise, as most people tend to be. Mostly, he wants to hear whatever it is Laura wants to say. In that sense, 'healthy and relatively safe' is an okay answer. She'd get a gold star if this was school. ]
That's good. [ If he wanted to force answers out of her, what kind of person would he be? Logan's never been that type, but he can certainly be the type to put a hand on Laura's shoulder for a moment before it slips off. ] Healthy and safe don't sound half bad.
[ if it were anyone else, the movement before the contact would be enough to get her hackles raising and her claws popping out with a snikt, but this is logan and that reaction isn't needed. in fact, the hand to shoulder contact is almost welcomed to the point where a part of laura finds herself missing it when it disappears, the kindness in it reminding her of her mother and the handful of stolen moments they shared in her cell — a memory she's quick to bury lest it be tainted by all the bad things that came after. ]
[ she shifts a little then, what he says next causing her to lapse into her usual stoic silence, legs drawing up to her chest and arms wrapping around them. ]
I … do not know.
[ more of a no than a yes. after all, if you were happy, you'd know it ]
[ It sounds better than 'no'. Logan's gaze shifts from the empty space ahead of him to the girl at his side, and while she's curled up he sits with his legs spread lazily and his hands even lazier between his thighs.
He's not good at this, being tender. But he can certainly try.
Sometimes he forgets that Laura's so young, even with her looks. Usually young mutants are better off in the hands of the other X-Men, but Laura's different, isn't she? ]
For me, I think what'd make me happiest... [ He crinkles his nose. ] No, more like "at peace", is... forgiveness.
Did a lot of bad things in my life, things I can't apologise to nobody for because they're all dead. [ Or because the timeline is different and Logan hasn't done those bad things any more. It makes his insides twist just thinking about it. ] But I can try forgiving myself, I guess.
I can't take back all the people I killed, the shit I did. But.
I'm working at being a good guy. [ He scoffs. ] ...which sounds like bullshit, but it is what it is.
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You'll scent me by then, promise.
[ Fuck traffic, essentially. Logan starts speeding through red lights. ]
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[ yes, that would be laura speak for asking if it was because of her. ]
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nightmares
[ That should work, shouldn't it? ]
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[ By this point Logan's a few metres away from where Laura's holed herself up. She should be able to smell him -- smell the gasoline of his bike, everything in between.
He parks, adds: ] Other things.
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Explain.
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There are winding paragraphs he could write, but he settles, deciding Laura will probably get that words don't come easy. ]
The memories of my life aren't real any more.
[ "Any more". That's the important part. ]
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[ unsurprisingly, most of the time she doesn't feel like it, and not just with logan but with everyone. the lack of eye contact something she's grateful for right now, words and emotions ever a struggle for her. ]
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[ That one doesn't even need thinking. Laura happened after everything -- after the time-travel, after Logan had to see everyone he knew and loved die. Laura might be the only clear person in his life, the only one who his memories of don't split into two separate lanes.
He's just not good at being around people. It occurs to him, then, that maybe that's affected her in the wrong way. ]
You're Laura.
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[ but to the others, she's just X-23 — the creepy quiet girl, wolverine's clone, a killer by training and experience. ]
With you I am.
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You aren't you because of me.
[ He stops typing and looks up where he knows Laura might be watching. Where she must be watching, if he knows her well enough. ]
Do you still want me to come in?
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[ without his DNA, she would not exist. ]
I think so.
[ slight uncertainty because as much as she wants to be around logan, it's seldom as easy as she would like it to be. but that's not all on him. she's just as much to blame, what with all her shortcomings. and anyway, it's not as though he had a choice about her arrival into his life. it just happened. and now here she is, part of his life but not. ]
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I know.
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Logan smells like gasoline still. It was a long ride. ]
Hey.
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Hi.
[ a beat, then: ]
You look tired.
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[ Against his will he always remembers what Xavier told him, how Laura's his daughter. Not like his daughter, but is. Logan rarely feels like a proper father, wouldn't even know how to begin with that (he was raised by a feral brother on his end, after all), but.
He doesn't really smile for just anyone, even if it's cracked a little around the edges with that ever-present fatigue. ]
Sorry. [ He doesn't apologise to just anyone, either. ] For being gone so long.
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It's okay.
[ a short silence follows and she pushes her hands into her pockets. ]
Did it help?
[ leaving, she means. ]
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[ Concern isn't a bad thing, generally. But if he's going to be looked at for days by the X-Men and a bunch of mutant children, all of them wanting to help and Logan unable to tell them that in his world they all died, and he doesn't know how to deal with them all being alive now, then he'd much rather be alone a while.
A long-ish while, which isn't necessary a good thing, either.
Logan looks at Laura now, offering his own question in barter, but maybe it's more loaded than hers had been. ]
How do you feel?
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[ avoiding what he's really asking, her answer a deliberately obtuse one as she interprets his question in the most literal and obvious way. ]
I am healthy and relatively safe here
[ a slight elaboration on her answer, but still not a proper one. because, honestly, laura doesn't know what to say to him. does logan want to hear certain words? does he want the truth? those words and feelings always a greater struggle, given her inability to fully understand her own emotions and what they mean, the facility having tried to breed them out of her to make laura the perfect weapon. something they ultimately failed at, leaving her caught somewhere between being a real person and being nothing at all. no one can say that she isn't at least trying to be something more, though. ]
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That's good. [ If he wanted to force answers out of her, what kind of person would he be? Logan's never been that type, but he can certainly be the type to put a hand on Laura's shoulder for a moment before it slips off. ] Healthy and safe don't sound half bad.
You happy?
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[ she shifts a little then, what he says next causing her to lapse into her usual stoic silence, legs drawing up to her chest and arms wrapping around them. ]
I … do not know.
[ more of a no than a yes. after all, if you were happy, you'd know it ]
Are you happy?
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[ It sounds better than 'no'. Logan's gaze shifts from the empty space ahead of him to the girl at his side, and while she's curled up he sits with his legs spread lazily and his hands even lazier between his thighs.
He's not good at this, being tender. But he can certainly try.
Sometimes he forgets that Laura's so young, even with her looks. Usually young mutants are better off in the hands of the other X-Men, but Laura's different, isn't she? ]
But I'm working at it.
It's all anyone can do.
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How are you "working on it"?
[ a typical example of when in doubt, just ask. ]
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For me, I think what'd make me happiest... [ He crinkles his nose. ] No, more like "at peace", is... forgiveness.
Did a lot of bad things in my life, things I can't apologise to nobody for because they're all dead. [ Or because the timeline is different and Logan hasn't done those bad things any more. It makes his insides twist just thinking about it. ] But I can try forgiving myself, I guess.
I can't take back all the people I killed, the shit I did. But.
I'm working at being a good guy. [ He scoffs. ] ...which sounds like bullshit, but it is what it is.
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new icons!!
someone anonymously gifted me two months of paid time, so i switched back to my original PB!
THAT IS SO AWESOME ; A ;
i only wish i knew who it was so i could thank them properly for it!
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i know this is late but god i just wanted to close this properly ;_; these two
nooo, it's fine! and, ugh, ikr?
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