[ david nudges at the guilt, the self-loathing, coaxing it away, trying to reassure him. there's nothing for logan to feel badly about. it's natural to want children at some point, isn't it?
.. even david's been thinking about it lately, since he and logan started dating. he's never been this healthy, this stable before. ]
That's not true, [ he says after a moment, squeezing logan again. ] I'm safe around you. A baby would be, too. You'd be a good dad.
[ It's been years since his hopeless bout with depression, but echoes of it remain: everyone I love gets hurt, I have to stay away, I can't be here. Logan has fixed the timeline, but all the misery of his old memories still lingers like a scar.
He laughs, trying for a more playful angle. ] It'd have to be one hell of a baby.
[ he kisses the top of his head again, then his temple, still pushing warmth and love at him as he does so. ]
It'd have me. My dad, too. I mean, it'd be his first grandkid. [ yes, he's talking about their imaginary child now, not just logan's. ] .. Hell, it'd have the entire school. And you're not giving yourself enough credit, anyway.
[ he feels his ears going a little hot. ] .. Yeah. I mean.. I think we'd need a little more time first, but..
[ he's feeling flustered and a little self-conscious, but he's not going to deny it. he'd kind of like to be a parent, once they're both sure they're in a good place for it. ]
[ his face feels like it's on fire, and he's surprised both by his own willingness and logan's response. then there's a hand on him, and his glance flicks down. .. oh.
he hesitates, then slowly folds his hands over logan's against his stomach. ]
.. Y-Yeah, that could-- I mean-- [ his eyes lift. ] I think we could do it that way. [ it'd take some serious adjustment, but.. ]
[ Only a few minutes ago, Logan was content with being childless for the rest of his life. But David is full of surprises of his own -- in reveals of a brief desire for co-parenting, in the possibility of carrying the child himself.
It's a lot to take in. The baby's hypothetical still, but Logan's thumb strokes over David's stomach. ]
You don't have to. [ Logan doesn't even know if he wants a child yet, not beyond the selfish part of it where he just wants one, plain and simple. ]
If we do it. There're tonnes of kids without parents who...
[ he shakes his head, takes a deep breath and releases it again carefully. ]
Like I said, it's-- you know, we both need more time to really.. talk about it. [ his lips quirk up a little. ] It'd be a little weird to be a woman for.. that long-- [ not to mention the whole idea of pregnancy is definitely not something he'd considered before. ] --but I'm leaving the option on the table.
[ whatever they do, whether they have a child or not--and whether it's adopted or born or created--he wants it to be something they spend a lot of time deciding. he wants them to be ready one way or another. ]
I'm still trying to wrap my head around you wanting a family with me.
[ The confession is soft, almost sheepish. This has been, essentially, a whole whirlwind of information, and Logan laughs as he presses his forehead to David's knee. His shoulders shake, but the hand on David's belly shifts, moving to wrap around a narrow waist.
[ he slides his arms over logan's shoulders again, leaning down to nuzzle into his hair. ]
It'd be good, right? Having a family. [ one of the many things neither of them had ever expected to be able to have.
he shifts into the hand on his waist, the embarrassment beginning to fade as logan seems to find the idea to be a good one, or at least potentially good. ] We've got plenty of time.
[ David must already know that, though. Logan holds onto his middle with one arm, then uses the other to find David's hand, to hold it.
These moments -- so small and simple, so warm with David willing to be this gentle with him -- still feel so beyond his comprehension. His heart swells and his hands shake for all of a second before he squeezes with them instead.
[ he sighs contentedly into the kiss, smiling a little against logan's mouth. ] Yeah, [ he agrees quietly once they part, knuckles gently brushing the older man's nape.
he'd thought for so long that he wouldn't be able to, either. he was too unstable, too sick, and he couldn't risk passing the condition down to his own child. when he'd discovered that most of his mental illness was actually his mutation, and the rest caused by decades of mind-rape, well-- it had changed things.
and now there's hope for more. a family, a life together, and all the people around them that love them to help when they need it. ]
Like I said. [ a second kiss, shorter and chaste. ] You'd be a good dad. A great dad. You're amazing with the kids here.
[ Because -- because David's made this all possible, in a way, hasn't he? Potential is nothing if unawakened, untapped, and as "good" as Logan might have been he wouldn't have even begun to consider these possibilities if David hadn't brought them up. So he smiles against his mouth, and he forgets the flute, and before he can even think about it he's tugging David down from the sofa, bringing him clumsily so he can hug him.
Tight, honest. Logan's face buries itself in his shoulder. ]
We'll talk about it. [ It's a promise, David's clothes crinkling under Logan's firm grip as he kisses and kisses at his shoulder, at the corner of his jaw. ] We'll talk about it and we'll see.
[ he starts to respond to the first part--you'd be good with or without me--but then logan's dragging him off the couch, and david's startled into laughter as he's pulled into the older man's arms.
he curls his hands up into the hair at the back of logan's head, cradling him against his shoulder as lips brush fabric and skin.
.. yeah. they'll talk about it. it's scary--terrifying, really--and david's still pretty sure he'll manage to fuck up every good thing in his life, including children, but he knows that he isn't in this alone. he and logan will figure it out together, and they'll have help if they need it, and.. they can do this. if they want.
he nuzzles logan's ear fondly. ] Yeah. We'll be okay, babe.
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I did.
[ There's a brief spike of self-loathing in his mind (you selfish, selfish prick), but he quiets it down. ]
Even after the mutation, [ he brings the flute up for David to hold ] I did.
But things change.
A kid wouldn't be safe with me.
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.. even david's been thinking about it lately, since he and logan started dating. he's never been this healthy, this stable before. ]
That's not true, [ he says after a moment, squeezing logan again. ] I'm safe around you. A baby would be, too. You'd be a good dad.
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He laughs, trying for a more playful angle. ] It'd have to be one hell of a baby.
Capable of self-defence or some shit.
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It'd have me. My dad, too. I mean, it'd be his first grandkid. [ yes, he's talking about their imaginary child now, not just logan's. ] .. Hell, it'd have the entire school. And you're not giving yourself enough credit, anyway.
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You'd have a kid with me?
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[ he's feeling flustered and a little self-conscious, but he's not going to deny it. he'd kind of like to be a parent, once they're both sure they're in a good place for it. ]
We'd make cute kids.
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[ He shifts, moving from under David's chin so he can look up at him. ]
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Uh, yeah. [ he shifts on the couch. ] I mean, I can.. change reality. You know that.
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[ His brows furrow, and he turns, presses a hand on David's belly.
It stays. ]
Make. [ Logan keeps his eyes on David's face even if David won't look back. ]
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he hesitates, then slowly folds his hands over logan's against his stomach. ]
.. Y-Yeah, that could-- I mean-- [ his eyes lift. ] I think we could do it that way. [ it'd take some serious adjustment, but.. ]
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It's a lot to take in. The baby's hypothetical still, but Logan's thumb strokes over David's stomach. ]
You don't have to. [ Logan doesn't even know if he wants a child yet, not beyond the selfish part of it where he just wants one, plain and simple. ]
If we do it. There're tonnes of kids without parents who...
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Like I said, it's-- you know, we both need more time to really.. talk about it. [ his lips quirk up a little. ] It'd be a little weird to be a woman for.. that long-- [ not to mention the whole idea of pregnancy is definitely not something he'd considered before. ] --but I'm leaving the option on the table.
[ whatever they do, whether they have a child or not--and whether it's adopted or born or created--he wants it to be something they spend a lot of time deciding. he wants them to be ready one way or another. ]
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[ The confession is soft, almost sheepish. This has been, essentially, a whole whirlwind of information, and Logan laughs as he presses his forehead to David's knee. His shoulders shake, but the hand on David's belly shifts, moving to wrap around a narrow waist.
This grip is firm. ]
David...
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It'd be good, right? Having a family. [ one of the many things neither of them had ever expected to be able to have.
he shifts into the hand on his waist, the embarrassment beginning to fade as logan seems to find the idea to be a good one, or at least potentially good. ] We've got plenty of time.
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[ David must already know that, though. Logan holds onto his middle with one arm, then uses the other to find David's hand, to hold it.
These moments -- so small and simple, so warm with David willing to be this gentle with him -- still feel so beyond his comprehension. His heart swells and his hands shake for all of a second before he squeezes with them instead.
Logan leans up to kiss him on the mouth. ]
...that I'd find someone who'd want one with me.
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he'd thought for so long that he wouldn't be able to, either. he was too unstable, too sick, and he couldn't risk passing the condition down to his own child. when he'd discovered that most of his mental illness was actually his mutation, and the rest caused by decades of mind-rape, well-- it had changed things.
and now there's hope for more. a family, a life together, and all the people around them that love them to help when they need it. ]
Like I said. [ a second kiss, shorter and chaste. ] You'd be a good dad. A great dad. You're amazing with the kids here.
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[ Because -- because David's made this all possible, in a way, hasn't he? Potential is nothing if unawakened, untapped, and as "good" as Logan might have been he wouldn't have even begun to consider these possibilities if David hadn't brought them up. So he smiles against his mouth, and he forgets the flute, and before he can even think about it he's tugging David down from the sofa, bringing him clumsily so he can hug him.
Tight, honest. Logan's face buries itself in his shoulder. ]
We'll talk about it. [ It's a promise, David's clothes crinkling under Logan's firm grip as he kisses and kisses at his shoulder, at the corner of his jaw. ] We'll talk about it and we'll see.
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he curls his hands up into the hair at the back of logan's head, cradling him against his shoulder as lips brush fabric and skin.
.. yeah. they'll talk about it. it's scary--terrifying, really--and david's still pretty sure he'll manage to fuck up every good thing in his life, including children, but he knows that he isn't in this alone. he and logan will figure it out together, and they'll have help if they need it, and.. they can do this. if they want.
he nuzzles logan's ear fondly. ] Yeah. We'll be okay, babe.